RSD – What is it? do I have it? do all people with ADHD have it?
Dear Friends,
It’s been a while because, I’m sorry to say, post diagnosis after an initial high, feeling that a lot of struggles and disappointments in my life had begun to make sense, this was followed by a complete lack of confidence in my general abilities, overwhelm, burnout and a possibly rash decision to hand my notice in on my job.
I went to a lecture from the wonderful Dr James Brown, about ADHD and the brain. Home – The ADHD Adults
He explained how as ADHD people, we function differently because our brains are wired and connect differently. He spoke a lot about ‘Rejection Sensitivity Disorder’ (also known as RSD). It is not on the list of symptoms for ADHD, but he is yet to meet an ADHDer who doesn’t suffer from it.
What Is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? | Psychology Today
KEY POINTS
- People with rejection sensitive dysphoria have an emotional reaction to negative judgments, exclusion, or criticism beyond what most people feel.
- Other people may see those with RSD as overly perfectionistic, over-sensitive, or overly reactive to even the mildest types of criticism.
- RSD is not a mental health condition in the DSM-5, so therefore has no set of empirically quantifiable criteria for an official diagnosis.
I now understand that RSD hit me hard a few weeks after the diagnosis and had also been there all along. It started with my mother, who I am now quite sure had ADHD herself. I will never know, my mother died 10 years ago, but I probably inherited my ADHD and reading heart-breaking diaries that I found after her death left me distraught with the knowledge that she felt that the whole world was against her, starting with the family. This fits in with RSD. For me it overshadowed my childhood, no contact with grandparents, uncles or aunts and no knowledge of my half-sister’s existence until years later. Having digested this information I still didn’t realise that I too suffer from this strange dysphoria, the word being Greek and literally meaning ‘pain hard to be borne’, or ‘anguish’.
You can read more about it here. How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (additudemag.com)
Now I realise that I fit the profile completely. Here are some examples, that I hope will bring a smile to your face.
For seven years I asked my husband every single day if he still loved me. After seven years he suggested we turned this round and he said he would let me know when he didn’t love me anymore…….32 years on I still worry about this, will it be today? RSD!
In a work appraisal, which happened annually for all employees, I noted that no one ever commented on my work. What I meant was: ‘I am assuming that my work is not outstanding, despite my putting all my energy and effort into it on a regular basis’. What I wanted was daily approval, like a child, someone telling me I was doing well and to keep up the good work, I was informed by a senior member of staff, many years my junior in age, that my work was exemplary and I was told not to worry, no one had ever commented on my work because there was nothing to add to it that would make it better.
Imagine the day I was asked to attend a meeting with a senior member of staff that was not an appraisal. I spent three weeks worrying myself into a mental state of absolute craziness. I cried for most of a weekend and when the meeting finally arrived, I insisted that my husband came with me. It turned out to be a misunderstanding and nothing to do with my work after all. RSD!
I could continue in this vein, but am feeling somewhat embarrassed, when it hits, it hits hard and that is all I want to say, RSD, what will you think of me if I say anymore…..
So as mentioned earlier, I have given up my job. This means that shortly I will have no income, which is a bit of a risk, to put it mildly. ‘My decision’, my friend commented in a text was a good one that I had clearly given a lot of thought to’. Interesting assumption! I decided, after a meeting at 3.40pm had gone badly, in my RDS opinion, that I didn’t like working there anymore. I went for a bike ride at 4.15pm and had decided by 4.30pm to resign. The bike ride was an errand, not designed as a useful way of helping me to think things through. So yes, 15 minutes thought seems a lot, after 9 years of enjoying the job……Impulsive, no not me!
I found this wonderful article, which fitted me entirely, (apart from the handyman bit), that sort of explains how I feel. It sounds arrogant, I can only apologise for that. Spoiler alert, I really don’t like the artwork! The Advantages of ADHD Through One Man’s Eyes (additudemag.com)
So, post job, how to build a new life, earn enough to live on, build my confidence and in many ways begin a new phase in my life. Double eeek!
I met Michael Morpurgo on Friday, yes, shook hands, spoke to him, told him I wanted to be a children’s writer, the real deal! His speech at the event I was attending was all about the ages and stages of both trees, something dear to his heart at present (his new book is out), and man, the 7 ages of man. I wouldn’t like to count the age I’m in, but after he sang an endearing song about the stages of the barley corn, my friend turned to me and said, ‘it’s about you, a new beginning’.
I am back and ready to talk about burn out. The next article will be sooner than 6 weeks away!